don_hoodventures

My friend, Don and I were talking about personalities and my friend used an analogy of colors to describe the people we know.

Do you remember how when you were a kid, you probably had quite a few of the standard Crayola crayons that came in a box of eight colors? And how if you were lucky, once in awhile you’d get as a gift, or perhaps buy with your allowance, a box of 16 colors? Those were arranged in two tiers, as I recall. And if your grandparents were in town, maybe—just maybe—they’d spoil you with the huge 64-color box? I had maybe two or three of those in my entire childhood. But the point Don was making was not about coloring pictures. It was about people. It was about people who are single-dimensional and about people who have many dimensions. Superficial people, those who can’t or won’t talk about many subjects, might be said to have just the 8-crayon box. But those people who can talk about a lot of things, including themselves—their deepest fears, their faults, their toys, their dreams—these are the ones who have been gifted with the 16-crayon set or even the 64- crayon set. These are people of many colors, many dimensions.

I have known people who have the 8-crayon set, and even those few crayons might not be sharpened too well. While conversations with these people can be pleasant, subject matter is pretty much limited to the here-and-now, and even those subjects tend to be superficial. Conversations with these people are restricted to things like sports, the weather, gossip, and relating discussions with others. If you are in a significant relationship with an 8-box, or with anyone for that matter, you of will of course need to discuss practical matters like budgeting, house projects, and perhaps childcare.

But to have a deep relationship with someone, whether it be a friend, family member, or your significant other, you are going to need more than an 8-box. A 64-crayon box is highly recommended.

Why? I believe that there can be no intimacy without vulnerability, self-awareness, and self-disclosure. If we cannot bare our souls to the most important people in our lives then how can anyone truly love us? This brings to mind the old phrase, “To love someone is to know someone.” To reveal yourself to someone brings the freedom of not needing to pretend to be someone you aren’t. When you have been accepted as the person you are, without judgement or conditions, only then can love grow.

But I’m not just talking about emotional color dimensions. The other day Don and I talked about the many other dimensions that can be a part of who you are. A person with a full 64-crayon box enjoys talking about anything and everything—philosophy, the arts, current events, other cultures, religion. This full-spectrum person is open to all kinds of new ideas about things to do, places to go, concepts to explore. And if, in a couple, both partners have a full box, discussions will be lively, perhaps contentious at times, but never boring. Likewise, such a couple’s activities and travels will be a reflection of their multi-dimensional personalities.

There is nothing wrong with an 8-crayon person. They can be fine, decent, responsible people and are probably best suited to other 8-crayon partners. If someone has been blessed with all 64 colors, they are probably going to be most happy, most fulfilled with another full-spectrum partner. A 64-color person will become easily bored with 8 colors. Also, this full-spectrum person will question why they should reveal their entire selves to someone who won’t reciprocate.

In real life, no one has all 64 colors in their box. But if you’re fortunate to have let’s say 61 colors, then a partner with 51 or 61 or even 63 colors might be a good match for you. As long as those 51 crayons are well sharpened, of course.